Damon Friedman here with the Force for Good Show podcast and today what I want to
do is talk about something that Has been really Center stage in my heart lately.
This is a season where I'm Going through a lot of challenges and I will tell you that
I think it's very difficult to deal with
Hello, one second.
Let me pause real quick.
I'm gonna do this because I don't want you to tell me what time it is.
I just wanna know what it is.
And then that way I'm on it, okay?
Okay, all right, go ahead.
I'm ready.
Yeah.
Hey, Dr.
Damon Friedman here.
Should I say Dr.
Damon or should I just say Damon?
Damon, yeah, let's do it one more time.
Okay, ready?
Damon Friedman here with the Force for Good Show podcast.
And I wanted to kind of just get on the net and talk about something that has been
kind of center stage in my heart, particularly for a couple of months.
I think that in life, there are different seasons where you have high highs, you
have low lows, and sometimes things are just volatile.
This is a time where I experienced a lot of loss.
I'm not gonna get into specifics what that entails, but I will tell you that when
it's a struggle, the struggle's very real.
And today's topic is gonna be on abandonment.
I wrote this big list of what breaks your heart.
So first, I wanna talk about those pieces, as we're gonna be discussing many of them
every time I get on the net.
And...
I'm going to tell you that there's nothing worse than a broken heart.
There are many things in life that can really, really hurt you.
And so I did this big list one night when I was just kind of trying to figure out
what's wrong.
You know, and I think through all my years of living on this earth from being born in
living in harsh environments and not having a father figure in the home and
just kind of running, moving from one place to another and just dealing with
making really poor decisions.
I found myself isolated a lot when I was a kid.
And I'll tell you that growing up I found myself isolated.
as kind of growing up and even till today, dealing with the war, dealing with
personal relationships, dealing with family, dealing with partners, dealing
with business, I really struggle with being alone.
So I made this list and I assure you that many of what I'm gonna talk about right
now will resonate with you and some more than others.
Here's this big list.
of all the things that I feel I struggle with.
It's so, so be prepared.
Grab yourself a cup of coffee or something.
I have mine right here.
One of the very main important things that I need in my life, coffee.
Ahem.
Abandonment can break a heart.
Abuse can break a heart.
Addiction can break a heart.
Alcoholism can break a heart.
Anxiety can break a heart.
Betrayal can break a heart.
Cheating can break a heart.
Dishonesty can break a heart.
Divorce can break a heart.
Drugs can break a heart.
Fear can break a heart.
Gambling can break a heart.
Gluttony can break a heart.
Greed can break a heart.
Guilt can break a heart.
Homelessness can break a heart.
Hunger can break a heart.
Isolation can break a heart.
Shame can break a heart.
trauma can break a heart.
All these things, this is just a small list of things.
And it's what I wrote.
But I'm gonna tell you something that you have to be careful with who you give your
heart to because it can be broken.
And if you have a broken heart, I know how you feel as my heart has been broken many
times in my life.
You know, people look at me.
and they look at my resume and they look all, my credibility and the things that
I've been able to do and all the things that I've ever survived and they think
that I'm as tough as nails.
And maybe my exterior, right?
Like maybe I have that armor, the way that I had when I was in special operations and
deploying into very dangerous places in Iraq and Afghanistan, and working with
some of the most elite teams in the world, doing some of the most incredible things
and surviving some of the most...
dangerous places and coming home when many did not.
People think I'm invincible.
But I'll tell you what, I'm one of the people that inside, I've recognized the
older that I get, there's a fracture in my chassis.
There really is.
I'm not as durable as I used to be, and I'm definitely not, as you age, you're
just not the same.
And I think the older that you get,
There's wisdom that comes along with it, but also along that pathway, you start
really recognizing and understanding more of who you are, and understanding more of
your weaknesses, not just your strengths.
And I think that we people are very good at lying to ourselves.
And just recently, I transferred out, I retired out of the military 20 years.
five years in the Marine Corps and the last 15 years, you know, in the Air Force
as a special warfare leader.
And I've had an extraordinary career.
And something that I've been struggling with big time is this fear and this broken
heart of abandonment.
And I know where it started.
I know where it started.
You know, it started off with my biological father when I trusted him, when
I needed him.
I mean...
He brought me into this world, and instead of loving me, he hurt me.
Now I'm a full grown man.
And even when I think about it, when I talk about it, it still hurts, and it
does.
He was never around, and when he was, he hurt us.
Psychologically, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
It was about maybe
I don't know, maybe about six, seven years ago, I went to go find him.
And I figured, you know...
I joined the Marine Corps, and I'll tell you what, the Marine Corps, they promised
that they're gonna break you down and build you back up.
You're gonna be a war machine, you know?
I joined that Corps because, you know, I wanted to serve my country.
My country was there for me when we needed basic necessities.
I took care of my mom, took care of us.
A roof over our head, food.
an education.
So I joined the Marine Corps because I wanted to give back.
And I wanted to be part of something bigger than myself, but I'm gonna tell you
something, down deep inside I wanted to be rebuilt.
I didn't wanna be afraid.
I didn't wanna be scared.
And I wanna be able to one day face my father and look at him and say, I'm not
scared of you anymore.
And so that's what happened.
They broke me down and they build me back up and I became this war machine and lo
and behold, 2001 I deploy, I go to Iraq, part of the invasion.
It was historical in nature.
And then fast forward, doing capture kill missions of high value targets of the most
extreme terrorists in all the world.
Like these are people that would put bombs into schools and kill innocent children.
War is hell.
It really is But I'll tell you that something that the military did was I
always had a battle buddy, you know Wherever I deployed I always had someone
next to me whether I liked him or not I always had a I always had a battle buddy.
I was always a part of teams unity and Well, I get out of the military and I
don't have a battle buddy anymore
and you transition, and then all of a sudden, I'm having this really weird
emotion, and I'm feeling alone again.
Now, I got it, if you're married, that's your battle buddy.
If you got a significant other, I guess it's your battle buddy, you know.
You've got friends that are battle buddies, but I'm gonna tell you this real
world, they're not the same, they're just not the same.
You know, civilians, they...
they don't understand, especially after 20 years with the war, you change.
You're not the same person.
When I joined the military, I was a boy.
When I got out, I was a man.
And...
I sustained injuries and even when I sustained injuries, there were still good
people next to me.
You know, last time I was in the hospital for three months inpatient.
Nine months outpatient, dealing with not just PTSD, it's mild traumatic brain
injury.
I've got post-concussive syndrome from all the blast exposures that I've had.
that like literally like, you know, they stacked up, they culminated.
But even in the hospital, I had a team.
When I got out after 20 years of service, it was hard.
It was very, very hard.
Like we got out and I know I speak, I know I speak for the majority of veterans,
regardless of what you did in the military.
You do 20 years in an institution that's filled with structure and always having
people next to you.
always in the same mission, the same fight.
And then one day when you get out, it's just not the same.
I think that's why people say that they lose their identity, it's associated with
their uniform, their service, and then they get out and they don't have that
anymore.
Even for me, I found a new mission, combating the suicide epidemic for my
brothers and sisters who need help.
They need help.
I'll be the first person to tell you, I'm not afraid to admit it.
I struggle.
I am constantly doing maintenance, constantly.
You know.
You look at some of the major issues that a lot of the veterans are dealing with.
It's not just PTSD, mild traumatic brain injury, chronic pain, insomnia, moral
injury.
Many of us drink too much.
You know, alcohol has been part of the culture.
And we allow it to become a major component in our lives and we
self-medicate.
I've been there.
I know what it's like.
So you get out.
And then your family, it's hard to have a family that understands.
I have a 16 year old son that I love tremendously.
And I wasn't there the majority of my life, of his life.
I wasn't there.
I was in Afghanistan.
I was in Iraq.
That's where I was.
And if I wasn't deployed, I was training.
Every morning getting up at 5.30 in the morning out the door at six, before kids
were ever up, back home at seven, eight.
Lot of times the kids were in bed.
I'm trying to get back to the house as fast as I can so that I can at least say
good night to them.
And then you start losing friends, you start losing teammates to suicide.
Or you hear about their killed in action overseas.
At least I had structure, at least I had an institute, at least I had people that
we all kind of gathered together and we remembered them.
You get into the civilian world, it's not the same.
It's not.
My son doesn't completely understand.
Even my wife.
It's a process.
And it's easy.
Even when you find your new mission, you can still find yourself alone.
And I struggle.
I've realized just recently that I struggle with abandonment.
And there are a lot of people out there that you put your trust and confidence in
someone and they leave you.
But even worse, not only do they leave you, but they hurt you and then they
leave.
And this is something that I've been hurting big time about.
It's like I'm gaining more clarity to some of my own personal struggles.
And it's hard to trust.
It's almost like I'm my worst enemy, you know?
And the reality is, is most of the time we are.
I mean, how hard is it to just tell your wife or your best friend or someone close
to you is like, I'm struggling.
But why are you struggling?
Well, because I feel alone.
A lot of us won't say that.
And so I wrote all this down because I was trying to figure out.
What's going on?
And so I wrote this big list.
I wrote this big list of all the hurt.
And I wrote all this because I'm trying to figure out what's wrong, Damon, what's
wrong.
You know, the self-assessment.
And...
I'm looking at my list, and then I get to the bottom, and then I go right back and I
go.
Today I'm struggling with abandonment.
I am.
And that's why I'm isolated.
and I'm in the dark and no one is around me.
And now it's been hours.
So I wanted to share this.
I mean, it doesn't matter how successful you are.
Everyone wants to be loved and everyone wants to have meaning in their life.
And they wanna be surrounded by people that love them too.
And they wanna feel special.
They do.
It doesn't matter how much money you have.
It doesn't matter what your possessions are.
It doesn't matter, you know, if you're a CEO.
of some big company or you're driving a Bugatti and you got all these watches,
these Rolexes and whatever it may be, or you got the latest and greatest design
clothes or whatever it is, it doesn't matter if you've got huge retirement,
millions.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter even if you travel the whole world and you see some of the most
extraordinary things in life.
If you're alone, what is it good for?
If you don't feel loved, if you're not surrounded by people that love you, what's
the point?
And I'll tell you right now, I'm super blessed.
God's been so good to me.
I still have my health.
I'm still strong.
There are a lot of people, a lot of my peers, they've sustained some serious
injuries.
Friends that are quadriplegics because a round hit their rack while they were
sleeping and now they're quads.
And of course some that never even made it back from the war.
I'm still pieced together.
And I got aches and I have pains and I, you know, my neck and my lower back and my
head, you know, headaches and sensitivity to light.
anxiety.
You're still looking in that room for the suicide bomber.
Why?
Why am I in a restaurant still looking at it?
Why am I at Universal Studios?
There's all these people and I'm still having that little anxiety.
I've got my head on the swivel.
You know, what's the possibility?
that a bad guy's out there at Universal Studios or Disneyland or wherever.
So I got my stuff, but I'm still here.
and I feel alone.
So I'm here to tell you that the first thing is to recognize your emotion and to
address it because man, I hate burying this.
I really, really do.
So many people bury this and they feel insecure when they say it.
I'm the first person to tell you, I feel like, okay, this is like way too
vulnerable to say that I feel alone.
That's why I'm isolated and I feel abandoned.
And you know, come on, man.
So, yeah, it all stems from my biological father.
There's no doubt about it.
You know, I've been getting a lot of therapy over not just the trauma from war,
but the trauma from my adolescent years.
I thank God for my mother.
I do, I do.
Because she worked really hard, she was always there for me.
But she worked a lot to put rice and beans down at that table, so we were alone.
We were alone a lot while she was out slaying to make sure her two treasures,
her twin boys, were fed and had a roof over our head and that we were safe.
So if you're out there, man, and you have this feeling of abandonment and you're
isolated, do yourself a favor.
Look around.
It's what I'm doing.
And I'm looking at the people that do care about me.
And I'm reaching out saying, man, I'm struggling.
And I've been doing that lately.
I really have.
This last month's been really hard.
It really, really has been.
And it just took me a lot.
I was like imploding.
And people didn't understand what's going on.
And I'm telling you, when you're not dealing with some of the struggles that
you have,
you start making poor decisions.
You start getting angry and frustrated and you start displacing it on people that do
care about you.
You know that whole phrase that hurt people hurt others?
Yeah.
This big list of hurt.
Man, if you got a lot of these things going on this list, which we'll be talking
a lot about.
It's possible that you're not just hurt, but you're hurting other people.
And I'll tell you what, I do that.
And you usually hurt the people that are closest to you.
It's important to do a progress check.
So that's what this is about.
That's why I'm getting on the air and I'm talking about it.
Because I think it's really important that you're honest with yourself.
And if you're struggling, man, figure out what it is.
What exactly is it that's hurting you?
What has hurt you?
And make a command decision to stop, to stop it.
Because this world, it's an ugly place, but it's also a good place.
It really is.
There's a lot of really good people out there.
And believe it or not, there's a lot of really good people.
that love you, want to have a meaningful relationship with you.
So this is what it's about today.
I'm making a command decision.
I'm going to reach out to every person that I love and I'm going to tell them I'm
struggling and I feel alone and I, you know, I want to get reconnected.
So for all of you out there, do yourself a favor and maybe you should do the same.
Thanks for listening.
Damon Friedman, Force For Good Show podcast.
Godspeed.
What do you think?